Ask Andy…
On the Undead Anonymous site, visitors can ask Andy, the main character of Breathers, questions about what it’s like to be a zombie.
This week, Tom, from somewhere in GMail land, asks:
Andy, do you floss regularly? What does a zombie do about halitosis?
Good question, Tom. Most Breathers tend to think that once you become a member of the walking undead, all of your personal grooming habits get tossed out with the bathwater. Which is actually not something I’ve ever done, but it’s the first metaphor that popped into my rotting brain, so I went with it.
To be honest, I wasn’t much into dental care when I was a Breather. Kind of took the whole flossing thing a bit lightly. But once your become a zombie and you realize that if your teeth fall out there isn’t a dental hygienist in the county who’s willing to go anywhere near your mouth, you tend to develop better habits. So yeah, I floss every day. Morning and evening. I prefer the Johnson and Johnson mint waxed floss, though dental tape can be more effective for cleaning between teeth that are not tightly spaced – a common problem for the undead.
As for halitosis, there’s not a lot zombies can do other than use a lot of mouth wash and eat a lot of breath mints. Jerry pops Altoids regularly, which seems to help, but honestly, when your internal organs are gradually liquefying, you just have to get used to the fact that you’re not going to go out on a lot of second dates.
Thanks for asking!
