At this point my only appearance is scheduled for Saturday, March 30, where I’ll be appearing on the panel Geeks Get Published – and Paid! at 6:30pm in Room 208. I’ll be joined by Katrina Hill (Action Movie Freak), Alan Kistler (Doctor Who: A History), Alex Langley (The Geek Handbook), and Dr. Travis Langley (Batman and Psychology: A Dark and Stormy Knight). The panel will be moderated by Jenna Busch (Fanhattan).

So come on by and hang out with us for an hour.

While I don’t have any official signings scheduled, after the panel I’m happy to indulge anyone who has a book or books to be signed. And if you don’t have books with you but need one, you might be able to track one down at Mysterious Galaxy, Booth 1201. Or just stop by and say “hi.” They’re nice folks and have lots of good books worth reading.

Oh, and feel free to check out the rest of the Saturday schedule. If you’re a fan of mystery,  suspense, or crime fiction, might I suggest the 5:00pm panel in Room 207: Criminally Entertaining – Mystery, Suspense, and Crime Fiction. Tell Stephen Blackmoore I sent you.

Hope to see you in Anaheim!

When I say this, I’m not encouraging a relentless stream of query letters to try to get published, nor am I attempting to use repetitive suggestion to get you to be my personal slave. Though I have to admit, the idea does have its merits.

No. What I’m talking about is submitting to your story, which is something Steven Soderbergh (director of such films as Traffic, Ocean’s 11, Contagion, Out of Sight, The Informant!, and sex, lies and videotape) talks about in a recent interview in New York Magazine. He also makes some comments about character and storytelling that resonate with me and draw some parallels between writing a novel and directing a film.

To this point, Soderbergh talks about giving actors as much freedom as possible and trying not to control them. He mentions that he’s “looking to amplify and showcase whatever it is about them that he finds compelling and submitting to what the film wants and needs to be.”

For me, it’s the same when I write a novel. As I’ve mentioned, I discover the story as I write it rather than plotting it out, which tends to result in the plot evolving from the characters rather than the other way around. So in order for my story to work, I have to get out of the way and allow my characters to do what it is they want to do rather than trying to control them and make their actions or motivations fit into some preconceived plot I’ve designed.

In other words, I submit to what the story wants and needs to be.

Submit, submit, submit.

(Now, after you pick up my dry cleaning, swing by the Coffee Roastery and get me a medium mocha, soy milk, no whipped cream.)

Another comment Soderbergh makes is that “there’s nothing more fun than watching a performer do something you don’t expect.”

I agree. I love it when my characters do or say something I hadn’t anticipated. Admittedly, sometimes this takes the story in a new direction that requires me to subdue the ten-year-old kid inside of me who wants to stomp his feet and jump up and down and complain:

“But I don’t want to go over there! I want to go over here!”

However, most of the time I just go with it because I figure my characters have a better understanding of their reasons than I do.

As an example, in my initial drafts of Breathers, the book doesn’t open with Andy waking up in the kitchen to discover that he’s killed his parents and stuffed them in the Amana bottom freezer, then flash back to the events that led up to his discovery. Instead, it opened at an Undead Anonymous meeting. The current opening, with the subsequent flashback, came in later drafts.

In my early drafts, about two-thirds of the way through the book, I had Andy going to court in a battle for his right to exist while leaving his parents intact. Or at least that’s where I thought the story wanted to go, but the whole thing felt laborious and uninspiring and forced. So when I finally decided to stop trying to force the story in a direction that wasn’t working and I just let Andy do what he wanted to do, he killed his parents in order to save himself from being shipped off to a zombie zoo.

As soon as I let that happen, as soon as I let Andy take control and I got out of the way, he did something that completely surprised me. Not only was that fun for me to see but it was also a learning experience. I stopped trying to control my characters and let them take charge.

I submitted to what the story wanted to be.

So if you find your story isn’t working, maybe it’s because you’re getting in the way of the characters and telling them what to do rather than letting them figure it out on their own.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go bone up on my Jedi mind tricks.

Like Ferris Bueller says: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Which brings us to my Favorite Reads of 2012. If you didn’t stop to look around your bookstore once in a while, you might have missed these. Fortunately, if you were remiss, you can still remedy that for 2013.

Sacré Bleu by Christopher Moore
My favorite of the favorites, this is vintage Christopher Moore. And I’m a sucker for Impressionist art. When I finished this, I felt like I had a long way to go to rival the writing acumen of Moore.

The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt
Recommended to me by my friend Bill Breedlove, this tale of two hired guns during the California gold rush is dark and quirky and funny and sad all at the same time.

City of the Lost by Stephen Blackmoore
A zombie noir novel with a nice humorous bite and a visual flair. Every time I turned on my Netflix, I wished this was a TV series so I could watch the next episode.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman
Harry Potter meets The Narnia Chronicles, with deft writing, compelling characters, and a nice, subtle creepiness lurking just beneath the surface.

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
King’s collection of five dark, unforgiving stories about people who have fallen over the edge into the abyss. There are no happy endings here, only excellent storytelling.

Honorable Mentions
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
Farewell My Lovely by Raymond Chandler
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Feel free to agree or disagree or share your own favorite reads of 2012. And Happy New Year!

We also enjoy receiving e-mails from readers who have read one of our novels and had it affect them exactly the way we’d intended. Or who, after reading said novel, were compelled to write a novel themselves. Or who looked at their world in a different manner than they did before reading your novel.

Sometimes, however, we don’t connect with a reader. It’s part of the job description. Writing, like any art, is subjective and not everyone is going to enjoy your perspective or point of view or sense of humor. So we have to understand that and let the bad or negative reviews slide off us like the proverbial water off a duck.

After several novels, I’ve more or less managed to do this and I don’t give any energy to a review from someone who didn’t connect in a positive way with one of my novels. But every now and then, I come across a less-than-flattering review that I find just as enjoyable as a five-star ego massage.

Case in point: the following two-star review for my novel Fated:

“It’s sick and twisted and quite frankly, if I had known it contained these types of scenes and concepts against Christianity, I would never have read it. If you’re a Christian, you will probably be offended by this book.”

While I don’t agree with the blanket statement about how all Christians will react to Fated, this person obviously found the material objectionable. This makes me happy. As an author of social satire, if I’m not offending someone, then as far as I’m concerned, I’m not doing my job.

And if anyone was offended by the irreverent tone and content of Fated, wait until they get a load of the sequel.

So last week, Christopher Golden tagged me in desperation because he’d forgotten all about his Next Big Thing blog post that was due. Naturally, I’m a sucker for a desperate author. Plus, Chris had included my short story “Reality Bites” in his latest and greatest zombie anthology 21st Century Dead, so I didn’t want to leave him hanging.

Anyway, here are the questions along with my answers. Afterwards, you’ll get to hear what Chris had to say about the other lovely authors tagged along with me, followed by the authors I suckered into this.

The Next Big Thing: BIG EGOS

Where did the idea come from for the book?
Back in 1997 I wrote a short story about a designer drug that allowed you to become a dead celebrity or fictional character. I have no idea where the idea for the short story came from.

What genre does your book fall under?
Dark comedy and social satire. It’s not technically a genre. It’s really just commercial fiction. My novels don’t really fall into any single genre.

Which actors would play your characters in a movie version?
I think Ryan Gosling could probably nail the role of my unnamed narrator. Others actors who would be a good fit for characters in BIG EGOS include Aaron Paul, Emily Blunt, and Jennifer Lawrence.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
An unnamed, unreliable narrator discovers that Big Egos, the latest thing in role-playing, is affecting his concept of reality, causing him to question his own identity and the role he is meant to play.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
BIG EGOS will be published by Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, and is represented by Michelle Brower of Folio Literary Management.

How long did it take you to write the first draft ?
I started writing BIG EGOS in November 2009 but stopped to write Lucky Bastard. I picked it back up in January 2011 and finished a rough first draft four months later. But certain things weren’t working the way I wanted them to, so it took me more than a year to get it right.

What other books would you compare this story to?
The story was originally told completely out of order and bounced around the memories of an unreliable narrator, so while I wouldn’t compare it to them, I always imagined it as a mutant child of Slaughterhouse-Five and American Psycho.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?
The original inspiration came from the short story I wrote in 1997, but I wanted to expand on that and explore the idea of what happens to your identity when you’re constantly pretending to be someone you’re not.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
You can read the short story the novel is based upon, “My Ego is Bigger Than Yours,” in my collection  Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel. Oh, and BIG EGOS is scheduled for publication August 2013.

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There you go. Or, as Porky Pig would say, that’s all folks. As I mentioned, the incomparable Christopher  Golden tagged me, along with the following three fantastic writers whom you should have on your radar. Here’s what Chris had to say about them:

Cherie Priest is the author of the hugely successful Clockwork Century novels, including Boneshaker and the latest, The Inexplicables. She’s also written creepy-as-all-get-out Southern Gothic supernatural tales and urban fantasy, has dynamite fashion sense, and different hair every time I see her.

Caitlin Kittredge is the author of the ass-kicking urban fantasy Black London novels and the YA series The Iron Codex, which has the best titles. I mean, book two is The Nightmare Garden, that’s pretty damn cool. She once told me that she’s not ready for the zombie apocalypse but she is prepared for the kitten apocalypse. Make of that what you will.

Yes, Amber Benson is the author of the Death’s Daughter series of urban fantasy novels, among other things, and yes, she’s an actress-writer-director who has been elevated to the status of cult icon in recent years. She’s also my little sister, gave me the best nickname ever, and commandeers my daughter’s “princess bed” at every opportunity.

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And in keeping with the spirit of The Next Big Thing meme, behold the authors I suckered into doing this, who are all terrific in their own right. Check out their posts next Tuesday, December 18th.

Mario Acevedo is the author of Werewolf Smackdown, Jailbait Zombie, and The Undead Kama Sutra, among others. He is a man of much funny. Read him, but only if you want to laugh.

Steve Hockensmith wrote the New York Times bestselling Dawn of the Dreadfuls and Dreadfully Ever After (the prequel and sequel to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies), as well as the mystery/western series, Holmes on the Range. He is also a man of much funny.

Scott Kenemore followed up his humorous Zen of Zombie humor/satire series with the novels Zombie, Ohio and Zombie, Illinois. Hey, what happened to Indiana? Scott is also a man. Also funny.

John Hornor Jacobs is the author of the novels Southern Gods and This Dark Earth. While not likely to hit your funny bone, they should be on your TBR list. I’m not joking. (NOTE: John has already posted his entry on his blog.)

Instead, this blog post is an accumulation of brief thoughts about a number of films I’ve seen that were released this year. Eight, to be exact. Since I didn’t bother to mention them individually, I decided to share them all in one place. It costs less that way. More economical. And I’m a stickler for good deals.

So in alphabetical order, here are the eight films I’ve seen over the past couple of months that I thought were worth mentioning:

Argo – I’ve been on the Ben Affleck train for a while now, ever since he directed Gone Baby Gone in 2007, and his latest is not a disappointment. It takes a talented director to take a story about which everyone knows the outcome and make it compelling. Personally, I think The Town (which Affleck directed in 2010) was better, but this is still good stuff.

Flight – A heavy story peppered with humor (mostly in the guise of John Goodman) about an airline pilot in denial about his substance abuse. Good acting and the story seems to hit most of the right notes. Oh, and the crash sequence that sets up the plot is pretty cool.

Life of Pi – I read the book ten years ago and was excited to see what they did with it, so I forgave the first thirty or so minutes of slow back story. Yes, the 3D was visually enjoyable but I don’t think it added much to the tale. Fun to watch but for me, this is definitely one of those “read the book” films.

Lincoln – Starring Sally Field, Tommy Lee Jones, and Abraham Lincoln. Seriously, where the hell was Daniel Day-Lewis? He was Lincoln, as far as I’m concerned, which helped to make me feel like I was watching history. A bit heavy on the political machinations of mid-19th century but well worth the price of admission.

The Master – I’m a Paul Thomas Anderson fan and loved Boogie Nights, Magnolia, and Punch Drunk Love. While this one tends to drag a little and the story (to me) doesn’t really matter, the acting, especially by Joaquin Phoenix, is superb. It’s a shame that Phoenix will likely lose out to Daniel Day-Lewis when it comes to award season, because he deserves to win.

Seven Psychopaths – If you liked In Bruges and/or enjoy dark, twisted comedies, you won’t want to miss this gem from Irish playwright/screenwriter/director Martin McDonagh. Plus it has Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, and Woody Harrelson. Win!

Silver Linings Playbook – While it’s probably not going to win any awards for best picture, it was the best movie I’ve seen this year. Good acting, good script, good story, with lots of emotional pulls in various directions. Now I need to read the book.

Skyfall – Is it just me or are the last few Bond films lacking in any warmth or charm? Unlike with Connery and Brosnan, I don’t have any connection with Daniel Craig’s 007. He’s just so humorless and so are the films. Meh.

Okay, those are my takes on these eight films. If you’ve seen any of them and want to share your thoughts, fire away. Or if you have other films you’ve seen recently that you’d like to recommend, that works, too.

But rather than simply providing a list, I wanted to share Andy’s desires in song to the Rodgers and Hammerstein tune, “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music.

And a one and a two…

Blood drops on noses and flesh that’s been bitten,
Pale female corpses who with me are smitten,
Fraternity pledges all tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored femurs and crisp Breather strudels,
Eyeballs and earlobes and tonsils with noodles,
Undead Anonymous pot luck meetings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Dead guys in coffins with red gaping gashes,
Corpses that wake up from fatal car crashes,
Embalming treatments and Pine-Sol soakings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the flesh rots,
When the skin slips,
When I lose a limb,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so grim.

It took him a while to narrow the entries from twenty down to six, then four, then three. At that point, Andy couldn’t narrow it down any more, so instead of two winners receiving a signed copy of I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus, he decided there should be three winners.

Congratulations to Kim Miner, Buck Swindle, and Russell Rheingrover for their winning zombie holiday haiku!

Under mistletoe
He leans in, I blow his mind
with a shotgun blast
—Kim Miner

Stocking hung with care
Christmas sweater, photo time
Check my teeth for flesh
—Buck Swindle

Santa meets undead
Look out don’t get bit OH NO!
Now he’s Zombie Claus
—Russell Rheingrover

Thank you to everyone who took the time to compose a haiku and share your zombie holiday poetry. It’s only fun if others play along, so I appreciate your participation and support. You. Are. Awesome.

Have yourself a zombie little Christmas.

Photo by Larry D. Moore

For most of my adult life I’ve believed that when human civilization ended via nuclear weapons, biological warfare, or reality television,  intelligent alien life would arrive thousands of years later to view the aftermath of our hubris and discover boxes and boxes of Twinkies, still fresh and filled with radioactive resistant preservatives.

More often than not this scenario included cockroaches, kind of a post-apocalyptic Hostess orgy, but the Twinkies were definitely going to be in the money shot. And you’re welcome for that image that is now embedded in your brain.

But with Hostess filing for bankruptcy and ceasing operations, I have to wonder if this isn’t another omen that the Mayans were right and the world as we know it will end on December 21, 2012. After all, the tell-tale signs of the end of the world have been coming fast and furious.

First, everyone started wearing Crocs. Then Snooki got pregnant and Dick Clark died. Dick Clark has been overseeing the New Year since the McKinley administration, for crying out loud. Natural disasters hit everywhere: tsunamis and tornadoes and superstorms. Finally, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo debuted on TLC. If that’s not enough to convince you that a giant pile of you-know-what is about to hit the proverbial fan, I don’t know what is.

And now this. The end of Twinkies. The Twinkpocalypse. Twinkiegeddon. Call it whatever you want. But if even Twinkies are doomed to extinction, then what hope does that leave for humanity?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m buying up all the Twinkies I can and building a bunker out of them. Or maybe I’ll just eat as many as I can and pack myself so full of preservatives that I’ll be impervious to whatever is coming. But I know one thing for sure: my birthday is on December 20, so I’ll be throwing a big party. Just don’t expect me to share my Twinkies.

It’s a BYOT event.

I have to admit that I don’t understand what most of my friends do for a living, either. Teachers, dentists, firemen, artists, event planners…Yes, I understand what these jobs entail. But if you’re a retail training communications manager or a senior systems analyst or a director of advertising, I have no idea what you do.  And if you try to explain it to me, you’re just going to sound like the adults in the Peanuts cartoons: “Wah wah wah wah wah.”

I realize that many of my non-writer friends might have the same reaction to an explanation of what I do. So in the name of shedding some light on the life of a writer or, more precisely, debunking notions about the lifestyle, I’ve written up my Five Misconceptions About Writers:

1) All Writers Do Is Write
Most writers today spend a minimum of four hours a day promoting themselves on social networking sites, writing blogs, doing interviews, keeping track of paperwork, responding to e-mails, setting up signings, and updating web sites. So we’re not only writers but marketers, publicists, travel agents, administrative assistants, and web techs.

2) Writers Have Lots of Free Time
On top of the four hours a day of non-writing that many of us do, eventually we have to find time to write. When you add in another four to six hours of actual writing, that often adds up to ten hour days, not including meals. And a lot of writers don’t take weekends off. If you’re a writer with a family, the idea of having free time to just do nothing becomes a work of fiction all its own.

3) Writers Lead Exciting Lives
Writers spend most of their time alone, sitting at a computer, making up imaginary stories about imaginary people. So while our fictional worlds might be exciting, we often need to get out and interact with human beings so that we remember what it’s like to have a real conversation. And conversations on Facebook or Twitter don’t count.

4) Publishing Contract = National Publicity
Even if you’re published by one of the Big Six New York publishing houses, that’s no guarantee you’re going to get any national attention. With hundreds of thousands of titles released by publishers each year (not including self-published books), chances are your book is going to end up struggling to find an audience. After all, there are only so many books that can get reviewed by TIME or USA Today. Sure, you could pay for ads or hire an outside publicist if if wasn’t for Misconception #5.

5) We’re Rolling in Royalties
Unless your name is Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, or one of the other multiple NY Times bestselling authors, chances are you’re not making a lot of money writing. On average, authors make anywhere from $0.50 to $2.50 for every book sold. If you have representation, 15% of that goes to your agent. Since most books don’t sell hundreds of thousands of copies per year, your average published author makes just enough to get by. Or else holds down a day job to help make ends meet.

While there are numerous other misconceptions on which I could elaborate, I’ll stop at five and let you share your own. Or else feel free to share your thoughts on the ones I’ve mentioned.