S.G. Browne

You wake up at 6:00am PST Wednesday morning in San Francisco. You spend all day running last minute errands and packing for a 10 day trip and trying to get all those bright yellow Post-It notes with reminders off your desk. You catch the Super Shuttle, which arrives 10 minutes early and deposits you at SFO two-and-a-half hours early, but at least you saved $30 by not taking a cab.

You board your 11:40pm flight and get as comfortable as you can, hoping to catch some sleep during the five hour flight. But you’re not sitting in first class, so you know that’s not going to happen. Especially since someone a few rows back thought it was a good idea to bring their two three year old boys on the overnight flight and one of them screams and throws a tantrum every twenty minutes.

You land at Ft. Lauderdale at 8:00am EST, awake now for twenty-three hours, and rent your car from Budget and get on the Florida Turnpike to drive up to Orlando for your book signing later that evening. As you drive on the Turnpike, you blow through the SunPass lanes, the prepaid/pre-registered lanes that avoid the hassle of having to stop and pay the tolls or dish out exact change. You do this because the guy at Budget who checked you in told you that was how it worked and the credit card you rented the car with would get charged for the tolls. As you blow through toll after toll, you read the sign that says $100 per toll violations and wonder if you’re racking up a lot more than toll charges.

You get to Orlando at noon and spend a few hours having lunch and hanging out with Tommy Castillo, zombie artist genius and karaoke god (who sang “The Rainbow Connection” in the voice of Kermit the Frog in Winnipeg) and eventually realize you’re about to pass out, so you crash on his couch but can’t sleep because his two dachshunds have decided they really, really want to climb all over you and lick your face. So you rest instead.

At 6:00pm, after a shower and a change of clothes, you’ve been awake for thirty-three hours, so you drink the 5-hour energy drink you bought at the airport and head over to Barnes & Noble in Colonial Plaza for your 7:00pm signing. Geoff and the crew at B&N make you feel welcome and have up great displays and there are actually people waiting there for you and you talk and read and sign and it makes the fact that you haven’t slept in a day-and-a-half worth it.

At 9:00pm, you get on to the I-4 to Tampa because you’re booked at the Hilton in St. Petersburg, courtesy of the editors of Zombie St. Pete, the zombie anthology you wrote the introduction for and the reason you’re in Florida in the first place. You get on the Interstate and see the EZPass lane and blow through the gate, the same you’ve been doing all day long, only this time under the red light instead of the words DON’T STOP it says WAIT FOR GREEN. You don’t notice this in time, so you don’t stop. An alarm sounds behind you and you wonder if you’ve just earned yourself a ticket for running a red light. But at least you can write it off.

At 10:00pm, you pull off the freeway to use the bathroom at Burger King and because you haven’t eaten in eight hours, you cave in and order a BK Big Fish value meal. You decide that the BK Big Fish is considerably superior to the Filet of Fish from McDonald’s. You also realize you’ve just used the word “superior” to describe fast food.

At 11:00pm you check into the Hilton in St. Petersburg and you’ve now been awake for thirty-eight hours. Before you go to bed, you get on the Internet to post a few comments to Twitter and to check e-mail. Only the Hilton doesn’t provide free Internet service and because this annoys you, you go downstairs in your jeans and bare feet to sit in the lobby instead. The next morning, you cave in and pay for the Internet service.

In response to my last entry, Blah Blah Blog, Sarah Malone commented and posed a couple of questions that I thought would be best addressed here, since they’re not just simple yes or no answers.

And if anyone has any other questions, fire away.  I’ll do my best to answer them in a timely fashion, even if I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Question #1: Are you critical of your own work and does it ever truly feel finished?
I’m definitely critical of my own work, to the point that as I’m writing, I’m wondering if what’s coming out of me is good enough. But I realize that’s what the editing process is for, to take the initial concept, the shell of the novel, and turn it into what I envisioned.

Think of the first draft as kind of like building a house and putting up the walls and the floor and the ceiling, creating a solid structure on a firm foundation. Something that will hold everything I want to put into it. Each subsequent draft fills the house with furnishings and decorations and all of the details it needs to make it complete.

Of course, sometimes, I realize I need to rearrange the floor plan or add another room or a second level or a basement, but fortunately, it’s just an analogy, so it costs a lot less.

And as far as feeling as if it’s ever finished, yes.  There’s a definite sense of accomplishment when I’ve completed the first draft and then again when I’ve made the final edits. But I can always find something six months down the road that I think I could have done better.

Question #2: The novels that you wrote before, are you planning on trying to publish them now that your name is out there?
Prior to Breathers, I’d written three novels that were straight supernatural horror, with the first two being told in third person omniscient and the third told in the first person. While there are redeeming qualities on all three, it’s unlikely I’ll pursue trying to publish the first two.

One, they’re very different from what I’ve doing now, both in style and voice. I’ve found that writing dark comedy and social satire with some kind of a supernatural edge resonates with me more than writing straight supernatural horror. And, more importantly, I don’t believe the quality of the writing is up to par with Breathers or Fated. The third novel, however, has promise, though I’d have to rewrite it to make it more darkly comedic.

Thanks for the questions, Sarah!

I know I mentioned this in passing at some point (though exactly when eludes me and I’m too lazy to look back at my posts for reference), but I’ll be flying out to Florida at the end of February to attend the release party of the zombie anthology Zombie St. Pete – a collection of zombie tales that take place in and around sunny St. Petersburg, Florida.

Although I didn’t contribute a story to the anthology, the editors were kind enough to invite me to write the introduction.

The event kicks off at 5:00PM on Saturday, February 27, at the St. Pete Pier and will include signings by yours truly and the contributors to the anthology, readings from selected stories, live music, and Thrill St. Pete’s reinterpretation of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” It should be a zombie good time. So if you’re in the area and can’t get enough zombies, come on by and join the fun.

In addition to the release party, I’ll be in Florida a few days before appearing at bookstores in Orlando, Sarasota, and St. Petersburg. You can see the details and schedule of the release party and my signings on the Events page or to the right of this post under Upcoming Events.

Hope to see you in Florida!

Michael Boatman is the author of The Revenant Road, a dark horror comedy about a best-selling mystery writer who begrudgingly enters into the family monster-killing business and has to stop a supernatural killing spree while fighting off a hangover and trying to live up to his dead father’s reputation. Think Men in Black meets Shaun of the Dead.

I met Michael in San Diego, when we shared an author reading and signing at Mysterious Galaxy Books. A gifted actor as well as a talented writer, Michael has co-starred on Spin City and Arli$$ and is currently co-starring in the Lifetime television series SHERRI.

Tell us about your first zombie experience. How did you lose your undead virginity?
The first time I ever really became aware of zombies was during an episode of The Night Stalker, way back in the ‘70’s. Darren McGavin’s character, Kolchak discovers that someone has resurrected a dead gangster and sent him around to kill off a bunch of other gangsters by breaking their backs. This zombie was a more traditional voodoo-based zombie: a dead man sent by a sorcerer to exact horrifying revenge on the sorcerer’s enemies. The climax takes place in an old auto graveyard. To stop the zombie, Kolchak has to find it while it lies dormant inside one of the abandoned wrecks. He has to exorcise the zombie by filling its mouth with salt and sewing its lips shut. I guarantee you, the moment when the zombie opens its eyes is one of the scariest, and funniest moments in television horror history.

What’s your favorite zombie film?
Night of the Living Dead is still the greatest zombie film, and one of the greatest horror films of all time. It never ceases to terrify me and I’ve watched it every year since I was in high school.

It’s the zombie apocalypse. Do you use a gun, a machete, or a Louisville slugger?
I’m gonna go for the Louisville. It’s more reliable than a gun and I could use the workout.

If you were a zombie, who would you eat first?
George W. Bush. A close second would be Maxim model/actress Sophia Vergara, but for completely different reasons.

What’s the first thing you ever had published?
My first published short story was called “The Drop.” It’s a story about a mentally retarded but unusually well endowed man named Cyrell Biggs. Cyrell plots to murder his abusive cousin/boss at the behest of the woman they both love. That story contains rude alligators, a homicidal black mermaid, Southern family dysfunction and a beatdown by crowbar. (I’m still proud of it.) It was published in Horror Garage magazine.

Who’s your favorite author?
I have so many favorites, but two guys tie for my number one spot: Stephen King and David J. Schow.

What’s your favorite book?
The Road. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I didn’t expect it to. It sets the bar for post-Apocalyptic survival stories and is simply the most horrifying, heartbreaking novel I’ve ever read.

Name your favorite guilty pleasure.
Doritos. I can eat an entire duffel-bag of Doritos. Afterward I can sit there in my car, listening to my arteries clogging and still think, “Damn…that was good.”

Other than your favorite author/book, name something that inspires your writing.
Anger. I’m from the Midwest: Therefore I am deeply repressed. I’m the married father of four children: Therefore I spend a lot of time being wrong. Therefore I do my best writing when I’m pissed. I’ve written two and a half novels, dozens of short stories, six screenplays and a million un-mailed death threats. People see me on television and form one sort of opinion about me. Then they read my stories or follow me on Twitter or Facebook and they all write the same thing… “But you seem so nice.”

If you had a theme song that played when you walked into a room, what would it be?
“The Six Million Dollar Man.”

Shameless self-promotion bonus question: What’s coming up next?
I’m working on a novel about God, which is tough for an atheist. I’m also writing a short story about wizards in a post- apocalyptic Chicago.

Michael Boatman is the author of The Revenant Road and the short story collection, God Laughs When You Die: Mean Little Stories From the Wrong Side of the Tracks.

If you’d like to keep up with Micheal’s writing and acting endeavors, you can follow him at Twitter.com/MichaelPBoatman.

Just a quick update to answer some questions that have been thrown my way about my next novel, Fated.

What is it about?
Fated is a dark comedy about Fate, Destiny, and the choices people make that determine their futures. The story is told from the POV of Fate, who has spent the better part of two hundred thousand years watching his humans make bad choices that lead to lives of mediocrity, while Destiny gets to watch her humans actually fulfill their potential. It doesn’t help matters that his best friends are Sloth and Gluttony and that he has a five-hundred-year-old grudge with Death.

But when Fate falls in love with a mortal woman on the path of Destiny, he becomes involved in the lives of his humans, altering their fates and creating cosmic repercussions that could strip him of his immortality. Or lead to a fate worse than death.

When is it scheduled to be released?
November 2010. I know. I wish it was sooner, too. But unfortunately, I’m not Sarah Palin or Barack Obama, so I have to wait in the publishing queue with the other rabble.

What’s happening with the book now?
As I’d just recently Twittered, the line edits for Fated are done and it’s heading for the copy editors. While I’ve heard different definitions, for me, line editing involves working with my editor to make structural changes to the manuscript in order to improve the flow of the story and resolve any questions that may remain. Copy editing addresses grammar, formatting, consistency, etc.

When did you write it?
I started Fated in December 2006 and finished it on the day before the Super Bowl in February 2008, a couple of weeks after I sold Breathers. That was just the first draft. I took more than a year to edit it and send the manuscript to my agent.

How did you come up with the idea?
Back in September 2003 (September 10, 2003 at 10PM actually), I’d written a journal entry about a character in charge of everyone’s fates and who gets annoyed with all of the characters in books and in movies who actually believe they control their own fates. Eventually, it evolved into Fated.

If you have any other questions, I’ll be happy to answer them. And as updates become available on Fated, I’ll be posting them here on the Novels page of my web site.