S.G. Browne

Ask Andy – Favorite Foods

Leslie from the wonderful world of comcast asks:

What are your favorite foods?

For some reason, there’s this misconception that all zombies crave brains. This is just more Hollywood propaganda meant to make us look like the archetypal monsters they want you to believe we are.

First of all, brains are extremely difficult to get to. All of those movies and videos with zombies cracking open skulls with their hands and fingers. I mean, come on. Can you crack open a skull with your bare hands? Try doing it with decomposing tendons. And biting into a skull? Please. You have any idea how hard a human skull is? You ever try cracking open a cooked crab with your teeth? Not gonna happen. Now throw in the fact that your gums are rotting and your teeth are one missed formaldehyde fix from becoming a souvenir for some lucky Breather, and maybe you can see my point.

By the way, most zombies who’ve been around for a while are on a strict soft food diet. It’s not uncommon to see older reanimated corpses eating baby food.

Personally, I really love Cinnabons and Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. Though occasionally I like a nice pulled pork and Breather sandwich.

Thanks for asking!

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Filed under: Ask Andy,Breathers — Tags: , , — S.G. Browne @ 10:47 am