S.G. Browne

Andy’s Favorite Things: An Ode to Breathers

In honor of the upcoming holidays, and the recent publication of my heartwarming Christmas zombie story I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus, I thought I’d resurrect Andy’s holiday wish list from Breathers.

But rather than simply providing a list, I wanted to share Andy’s desires in song to the Rodgers and Hammerstein tune, “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music.

And a one and a two…

Blood drops on noses and flesh that’s been bitten,
Pale female corpses who with me are smitten,
Fraternity pledges all tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored femurs and crisp Breather strudels,
Eyeballs and earlobes and tonsils with noodles,
Undead Anonymous pot luck meetings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Dead guys in coffins with red gaping gashes,
Corpses that wake up from fatal car crashes,
Embalming treatments and Pine-Sol soakings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the flesh rots,
When the skin slips,
When I lose a limb,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so grim.

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Zombie Christmas Haiku Contest Winners

Thanks to everyone who participated in the I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus Holiday Haiku Giveaway. The haiku ranged from dark to funny to oddly arousing and made it difficult for me, I mean for Andy, to pick a winner.

It took him a while to narrow the entries from twenty down to six, then four, then three. At that point, Andy couldn’t narrow it down any more, so instead of two winners receiving a signed copy of I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus, he decided there should be three winners.

Congratulations to Kim Miner, Buck Swindle, and Russell Rheingrover for their winning zombie holiday haiku!

Under mistletoe
He leans in, I blow his mind
with a shotgun blast

—Kim Miner

Stocking hung with care
Christmas sweater, photo time
Check my teeth for flesh

—Buck Swindle

Santa meets undead
Look out don’t get bit OH NO!
Now he’s Zombie Claus

—Russell Rheingrover

Thank you to everyone who took the time to compose a haiku and share your zombie holiday poetry. It’s only fun if others play along, so I appreciate your participation and support. You. Are. Awesome.

Have yourself a zombie little Christmas.

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Filed under: Contests,Haikus,Holiday,I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus,Zombies — S.G. Browne @ 8:35 am

I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus Haiku Giveaway

I know, I know. Halloween is barely a husk of a corpse yet and here we are, talking about Santa Claus and Christmas already. But at least we’ve got a zombie crossover theme to keep us honest. And what better way to celebrate the blending of Halloween and Christmas than with some free signed copies of I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus?

That’s right. I’ve got two copies of my new Christmas zombie novella and sequel to Breathers to give away—signed, sealed, delivered, and they’re yours. So what do you have to do to enter for your chance to win a copy? I’m glad you asked.

For those who are familiar with Andy Warner, the hero of Breathers, you’re aware that he was fond of penning an occasional haiku to deal with his less than glamorous existence. Well, in I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus, he’s at it again.

So following the 5-7-5 syllable format (I know, I know…in traditional Japanese haiku it’s not really syllables, but we’re not in Japan), write a haiku about zombies. Or about Santa Claus. Or about zombies and Santa Claus. Whatever strikes your fancy. Here’s an example of what Andy came up with:

pine-sol bubble baths
mask the stench of rotting flesh
i smell like christmas

But don’t feel a need to emulate Andy. It’s a broad canvas, so grab your palette of words and have at it. Once you’ve created your masterpiece, share your haiku in the comments below and voila! You’re entered. See, wasn’t that easy?

I’ll pick two winners from the entries. If you choose to include more than one haiku, that still counts as a single entry. Sorry, no stuffing the ballot box.

Contest is open wherever Santa visits good little boys and girls. In other words, everywhere. But the contest ends Thursday, November 15, at 11:59pm PST. So no dawdling.

Ready? Set? Haiku!

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I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus

And without further ado, the cover and copy reveal for I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus. Drum roll, please. Oh wait, you can already see it. So much for building up the suspense. Maybe I should have told you to close your eyes first.

No matter. So here you go. That’s the cover over there on your left and the copy hanging out down below the row of asterisks. Just in case you were confused. Which you’re not. I’ll get out of the way, now.

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How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus?

If you’ve never believed in Christmas miracles, then you probably wouldn’t understand.

Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he’s been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he’s lost, but who thinks he’s the real Santa.

He also doesn’t count on being recognized as last year’s national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice….

Release date is November 13, 2012.

Available for pre-order at your local independent bookstore, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and wherever books are pre-ordered.

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Where Has Scott Been?

While blogging has never been my passion, I realize that it’s been nearly a month since I posted anything. And there’s a reason for that. Unfortunately, it doesn’t involve sitting on a remote tropical beach with no Internet access.

About three months ago, I was approached by my publisher to see if I was interested in writing a Christmas themed zombie novella. I thought about it for a few days, wrote up a synopsis and pitched them an idea, and a couple of weeks later they came back and said OK.

Now I’ve never written anything on spec before. My first three novels were all completed, vetted by my agent, and then sold, so selling a book before I’d written a single word of it was a new experience. And writing a 40,000 word novella in a little over two months meant any creative energy I had was channeled into writing that novella.

Thus no blog posts. And a limited amount of interaction on Facebook and Twitter. I just didn’t have the time.

The good news is, the novella is done. The title?

I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus: A Breathers Christmas Carol.

Yes, the novella is a sequel to Breathers and picks up a year later, about a week before Christmas, with Andy waking up in a body farm in Portland, OR, where he’s spent the last year being experimented on at a zombie research facility.

I won’t give away too much of the plot, but it involves an escape, a Santa Claus costume, a lonely nine-year-old girl named Annie who reminds Andy of his own daughter, a couple of zombie handlers, and a trio of inept zombies.

I’ll share more about the novella in a later post, but at this point it’s scheduled for release on November 13, 2012, both in print as a small hardcover and as an eBook.

Now I need to get back to edits on my next novel, BIG EGOS.

 

 

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Filed under: Big Egos,I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus,The Writing Life,Zombies — S.G. Browne @ 6:37 am