S.G. Browne

I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus Haiku Giveaway

I know, I know. Halloween is barely a husk of a corpse yet and here we are, talking about Santa Claus and Christmas already. But at least we’ve got a zombie crossover theme to keep us honest. And what better way to celebrate the blending of Halloween and Christmas than with some free signed copies of I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus?

That’s right. I’ve got two copies of my new Christmas zombie novella and sequel to Breathers to give away—signed, sealed, delivered, and they’re yours. So what do you have to do to enter for your chance to win a copy? I’m glad you asked.

For those who are familiar with Andy Warner, the hero of Breathers, you’re aware that he was fond of penning an occasional haiku to deal with his less than glamorous existence. Well, in I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus, he’s at it again.

So following the 5-7-5 syllable format (I know, I know…in traditional Japanese haiku it’s not really syllables, but we’re not in Japan), write a haiku about zombies. Or about Santa Claus. Or about zombies and Santa Claus. Whatever strikes your fancy. Here’s an example of what Andy came up with:

pine-sol bubble baths
mask the stench of rotting flesh
i smell like christmas

But don’t feel a need to emulate Andy. It’s a broad canvas, so grab your palette of words and have at it. Once you’ve created your masterpiece, share your haiku in the comments below and voila! You’re entered. See, wasn’t that easy?

I’ll pick two winners from the entries. If you choose to include more than one haiku, that still counts as a single entry. Sorry, no stuffing the ballot box.

Contest is open wherever Santa visits good little boys and girls. In other words, everywhere. But the contest ends Thursday, November 15, at 11:59pm PST. So no dawdling.

Ready? Set? Haiku!



  1. Om nom nom
    Santa tastes like gingerbread
    Coal is crunchy

    Comment by Roswita Hildebrandt — November 9, 2012 @ 9:09 am

  2. Holiday parties
    Zombies sniff the cheese tray and
    Eat the mistletoe

    Comment by Stacey Graham — November 9, 2012 @ 9:14 am

  3. Holidays are here
    S. G. Browne is giving me books
    Please don’t eat me now

    Comment by Gil — November 9, 2012 @ 9:19 am

  4. Holidays are here
    S. G. Browne is giving books
    Please don’t eat me now

    Comment by Gil — November 9, 2012 @ 9:20 am

  5. My friend the Zombie
    what to get him for Christmas?
    Maybe freeze dried brains

    Comment by Crystal L — November 9, 2012 @ 10:11 am

  6. Santa meets undead

    Look out don’t get bit OH NO!

    Now he’s Zombie Claus

    Comment by Russell R — November 9, 2012 @ 10:37 am

  7. Chestnuts roasting now
    Better than my own nuts (yow!)
    WANT brains for Christmas!!!

    Comment by Kathy — November 9, 2012 @ 11:13 am

  8. Late night, Jingle Bells?
    Is Mommy kissing Santa?
    No presents this year.

    Comment by Lance — November 9, 2012 @ 12:10 pm

  9. children are crying
    over no presents this year
    zombies ate Santa

    Comment by Tanya — November 9, 2012 @ 7:48 pm

  10. sex in santa’s sleigh
    running out of time baby
    zombies tear my flesh

    Comment by Sara B — November 12, 2012 @ 6:29 am

  11. Ah, milk and cookies.
    Santa loves his Christmas treats
    Milk tastes very strange

    So very high up
    In the cold Christmas night air
    Father Christmas turns

    Santa checks his list
    Naughty and nice mean nothing
    He’s coming for brains

    The children slumber
    With sugar plums in their heads
    And nothing else. “Braaaaainnnns”

    Comment by Brent Michael Kelley — November 12, 2012 @ 9:57 am

  12. Stocking hung with care
    Christmas sweater, photo time
    Check my teeth for flesh

    Comment by Buck Swindle — November 12, 2012 @ 10:17 am

  13. Yay for zombie haiku! Here are a couple I came up with:

    *Zombie Hunger*
    love that breather meat
    any way I can get it
    brain stew, anyone?

    *Formaldehyde High*
    formaldehyde high
    caressing my rotting brain
    ain’t that just a blast!

    Comment by Zuzana — November 12, 2012 @ 12:52 pm

  14. No present nor gift
    No candy or mistletoe
    Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains.

    Comment by Anthony Zaro — November 14, 2012 @ 9:36 am

  15. Suddenly arose such a clatter
    I put down my breather gingerbread cookie
    Looks like real santa is pissed.

    Comment by Richelle — November 14, 2012 @ 9:39 am

  16. Under mistletoe
    He leans in, I blow his mind
    with a shotgun blast.

    Comment by Kim — November 14, 2012 @ 1:00 pm

  17. Merrily inept.
    Consume the hearts of Christmas.
    Entrails, our gift.

    Comment by Sal — November 15, 2012 @ 3:13 pm

  18. Decomposing hearts
    I will eat all merry souls
    ‘Til I hear Santa

    Comment by Sam — November 15, 2012 @ 3:41 pm

  19. Stuck in the chimney
    Have I been here forever?
    I wish I could die.


    Comment by Thom Marrion — November 15, 2012 @ 5:38 pm

  20. I am hungry now
    Santa Claus is a fat fuck
    He tastes like chicken

    Comment by Aaron — November 15, 2012 @ 8:21 pm

  21. […] to everyone who participated in the I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus Holiday Haiku Giveaway. The haiku ranged from dark to funny to oddly arousing and made it difficult for me, I mean for […]

    Pingback by Zombie Christmas Haiku Contest Winners | S.G. Browne — November 19, 2012 @ 8:35 am

  22. I’ve announced the winners on another blog post, which you can find here:


    Thanks to everyone who played along and took the time to come up with a zombie holiday haiku. You’re participation and support is appreciated.

    Comment by admin — November 19, 2012 @ 8:40 am

  23. Santa Claus is dead
    ’cause i shot him in the head.
    No presents no more

    Comment by Jorden — November 26, 2012 @ 11:15 am

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