S.G. Browne

J is for Jerry

A conversation between Andy, the main character in Breathers, and Jerry, his best friend…

Andy: Jerry is a twenty-one-year-old car crash victim with an exposed brain and very little self awareness.
Jerry: (Waving)  Hey.

Andy:  They can’t see you, Jerry.  This isn’t on television.

Jerry:  Oh.  (Simulates masturbation)  So they can’t see this?

Andy:  (ignoring Jerry) A fifth of Jack Daniels, half a dozen bong hits, no seat belt, a utility pole, and bad judgment on a right-hand turn sent Jerry through the windshield of his cherry red 1974 Charger and skidding along River Street on his face.

Jerry: Road rash city.
Andy:  Which is how he ended up as a member of Undead Anonymous.

Jerry:  Total bummer.

Andy: Yes.  But maybe you wouldn’t be a zombie if you would have exercised a little more common sense behind the wheel of your car.

Jerry: Dude, you fell asleep while driving home from a party and like, totally killed your wife.

(Sound of crickets chirping)

Jerry: Sorry dude.  That was harsh.

Andy: It’s okay.  At least I don’t wear my baseball hat sideways and my pants halfway down my ass.

Jerry: (hiking up his pants)  It’s the style, dude.  The chicks dig it.

Andy: Breather women don’t dig undead, decomposing slackers.

Jerry: Yeah, but there’s some totally hot zombie chicks out there who are interested in a good stiffy.

Andy:  You’re referring to your permanent, post-mortem erection.

Jerry:  Terminal boner, dude.

Andy:  Jerry fancies himself a ladies man among zombies.

Jerry:  (popping a couple of peppermint Altoids)  Curiously strong.

Andy:  Yeah, well, they’ll have to be more than curious to have an impact on your breath.

Jerry:  Or I could go around wearing women’s make-up like you.
Andy:  I think we’re done here.

Jerry: (removing his hat and leaning forward) Dude, you wanna touch my brain?

(Next entry:  K is for ???  Send me your suggestions)

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Filed under: Breathers — Tags: , — S.G. Browne @ 11:56 am

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