S.G. Browne

F is for Formaldehyde

flesh decomposing?
body cavities bursting?
eat formaldehyde

I think I speak for all embalmed zombies when I say that formaldehyde is the best thing since bacon.  Without it (formaldehyde not bacon), your body will go bad faster than cottage cheese.  And the consistency won’t be that much different.

If you consume enough formaldehyde, you can keep the decomposition of your body and internal organs at bay.  Even if you can’t get hold of the industrial strength stuff, formaldehyde can be found in lipstick, makeup, fingernail polish, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, antiperspirant, bubble bath, bath oil, shampoo, and soft drinks.

Unfortunately, if you weren’t embalmed prior to reanimation, no amount of Suave Kiwi shampoo is going to keep your internal organs from turning into chicken noodle soup.  Unless you can somehow manage to get hold of the industrial strength stuff, your won’t have the shelf life of 2% pasteurized milk.

Of course, no one wants to reanimate while you have a cannula inserted in your carotid artery, but it beats watching your tissues slide off your bone like non-fat yogurt.

(Next entry: G is for…I haven’t made up my mind.  What do you think it should be for?)

Filed under: Breathers — Tags: , — S.G. Browne @ 8:54 am