S.G. Browne

Goodbye Twinkies: Another Mayan Calendar Omen?

Photo by Larry D. Moore

For most of my adult life I’ve believed that when human civilization ended via nuclear weapons, biological warfare, or reality television,  intelligent alien life would arrive thousands of years later to view the aftermath of our hubris and discover boxes and boxes of Twinkies, still fresh and filled with radioactive resistant preservatives.

More often than not this scenario included cockroaches, kind of a post-apocalyptic Hostess orgy, but the Twinkies were definitely going to be in the money shot. And you’re welcome for that image that is now embedded in your brain.

But with Hostess filing for bankruptcy and ceasing operations, I have to wonder if this isn’t another omen that the Mayans were right and the world as we know it will end on December 21, 2012. After all, the tell-tale signs of the end of the world have been coming fast and furious.

First, everyone started wearing Crocs. Then Snooki got pregnant and Dick Clark died. Dick Clark has been overseeing the New Year since the McKinley administration, for crying out loud. Natural disasters hit everywhere: tsunamis and tornadoes and superstorms. Finally, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo debuted on TLC. If that’s not enough to convince you that a giant pile of you-know-what is about to hit the proverbial fan, I don’t know what is.

And now this. The end of Twinkies. The Twinkpocalypse. Twinkiegeddon. Call it whatever you want. But if even Twinkies are doomed to extinction, then what hope does that leave for humanity?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m buying up all the Twinkies I can and building a bunker out of them. Or maybe I’ll just eat as many as I can and pack myself so full of preservatives that I’ll be impervious to whatever is coming. But I know one thing for sure: my birthday is on December 20, so I’ll be throwing a big party. Just don’t expect me to share my Twinkies.

It’s a BYOT event.

Filed under: Just Blogging — S.G. Browne @ 2:43 pm


  1. You are all kinds of awesome, sir! Lol

    Comment by Richelle — November 16, 2012 @ 3:08 pm

  2. Every once in a while I come out of my ADHT
    transporter and come back to a point in my life
    that I was mentally or phyically removed from.
    The way that I can tell that I disappeared is by the half finished
    writtings and books scattered about a certain area of my home.
    Today I came across an almost finished Breathers.
    I found where I left off, p 210, so not to be a spoiler, it is where your main character has just become aware that he had done, you know what to you know who.
    I got this book at a zombie event in St. Petersburg, FL, sometime in 2010.
    I am glad from finding you web page, that you are continuing
    to write and have 2 more books for me to read when I
    finish Breathers. I had finished Parker’s Night Passage,
    earlier today and was searching for something to fill the
    loneliness of having to say goodbye to a character
    I liked keeping company with.
    And there Breathers appreared, with characters I already
    knew I liked.
    A big thanks.
    And I too, know without Twinkies, there is no god.

    Comment by Kath Madden — November 16, 2012 @ 8:22 pm

  3. Thanks for the comment, Kath. I hope you enjoy hanging out with Andy and the rest of the Breathers gang for the rest of the book.

    Comment by admin — November 17, 2012 @ 7:55 am

  4. Twinkies will not be made anymore?!?!? What shall we do?!?!? I need to start stocking up asap. We all know that Twinkies will last “till kingdom come, so I better get my stockpile soon.

    Comment by Linda B. — November 21, 2012 @ 6:05 am

  5. 1bubbles

    Trackback by 2belfast — January 12, 2022 @ 4:21 pm

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