S.G. Browne

Stupid Movie People and the Writers Who Mock Them

So you know those stupid people in the horror movies who go walking into the woods at night, faking ritual sacrifices, and picking their way with flashlights along the path that leads to a pool where two people drowned?

Yeah, well, guess what we just did?

While the three paranormal investigators from Ghost Girls were busy setting up equipment in the house, using infrared cameras and trip wires and recording devices to find the supernatural hot spots (apparently, my bed is haunted). Wait? Where was I? Oh right. Starring in our own horror movie.

So while the three ghost chasers did their thing, five of us (Dan, Eunice, Kim. Sephera, and I) decided to take a walk down to the pond behind the haunted mansion. In the dark. With two flashlights. But first, we had to stop at the meditation area and mock it as a ritualistic sacrificial table while pretending to be dead. Which, by the way, is Haunted Mansion Rule #2:

Don’t lay down on the ritualistic sacrificial table and pretend to be dead.

And Haunted Mansion Rule #1?

Don’t touch the Blair With Project totem hanging from the tree.

I did that yesterday, out behind the pond where two people drowned. The pond to which we decided to wander down to at night with two flashlights. That pond.

The entire way down, we talked about how we were doing exactly what we hated in B horror movies and figuring out who would disappear first and which one of us would be most likely to end up ritualistically sacrificed.

You know, tempting fate.

So when we all ended up safely at the pond, we decided it was probably best not to push our luck and walk along the narrow path around the pond to the Blair Witch totem on the creepy tree. But instead of going back the way we’d come, which was the known and safest way back, we took the path that led around the other side of the house. The narrow path with the steep drop off the left side. The path with all the rocks and sticks and weeds growing up in the middle of it. That path.

Which brings us to Haunted Mansion Rule #3:

Don’t go walking into the woods at night to the pond where two people drowned.

As you can see, we’re not doing real well at paying attention to the rules.

Oh, and by the way, after we got back to the mansion, several of us (Wes, Sephera, Dan, the three ghost chasers, and I) went back out to the pond and walked around it to check out the Blair Witch totem.

I can’t wait to go sleep in my haunted bed.

Filed under: Haunted Mansion — S.G. Browne @ 10:14 pm

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