S.G. Browne

That old saying: “It’s so bad, it’s good.” Well, when it comes to movies, I have to disagree. Bad acting, bad scripts, and bad direction only create one thing. Bad movies. Unwatchable movies. Movies that make me glad I’m watching them for $9.00 a month on Netflix and not for $9.00 a pop at the movie theaters.

And those are matinee prices.

Obviously, everyone has their own opinion on the artistic merit of movies. Personal preferences and perceptions come into play, which is what make movies and other form of art what they’re supposed to be. Subjectively enjoyed. As a friend once said, the moment you start to quantify art, it ceases to become art.

That said, I’ve recently watched several movies through Netflix that I’d always been told I had to see for one reason or another. Movies I’d somehow missed that were cult classics or must-see movies: MAD MAX, BUBBA HO-TEP, and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. While I found BUBBA HO-TEP more marginally watchable ( come to think of it, I don’ think I actually finished watching the film), I can’t ever imagine having a reason to watch MAD MAX or RETURN ever again.

Yes, I know MAD MAX was made in 1979. Yes, I know RETURN was supposed to be silly. And yes, I know there are worse movies. But ALIEN was made in 1979 and I can watch it every day. AIRPLANE and TOP SECRET were meant to be silly and they’re much smarter films with better writing. And I haven’t seen any movies that are worse than these in the past twelve months.

By the way, the worst film I think I ever saw was GYMKATA. Though HEARTBEEPS, HOUSE, and PRAYER OF THE ROLLERBOYS are in the running. As is almost every Sylvester Stallone film that came out in the 1980s.

So what do you think? What movies were you told you had to see that you thought were a waste of time and money? What are your unwatchable films?