S.G. Browne

I have too many things to run through on this last Friday of February to talk about just one thing, so I’m canceling Fiction Friday and installing the inaugural entry of Attention Deficit Disorder Friday so I can get to everything on my list.  Now where did I put that list?  Ah, there it is…

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As I mentioned on Wednesday’s blog post, “Softland,” my short story about a family of luck poachers, appears in the eBook collection The Mother Load, which you can get for free by pre-ordering a copy of James Melzer’s Escape: A Zombies Chronicle Novel.  The collection also includes stories from Jeremy C. Shipp, David Moody, and the other bloody names on the pregnant lady to the left.

Here’s a teaser from the opening of “Softland:”

Grandpa only had one finger left and it was pointing at the door.

He was leaning forward in his chair, his gaze turned away from the marathon of Gilligan’s Island reruns, that single, remaining digit on his left hand pointing across the room.

“Someone’s comin’,” he said.

Before I could reach my Smith and Wesson sitting on top of the television, the front door crashed open.

Let me back up.

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Back up to last Thursday, when I received my author copies of the United Kingdom version of Breathers, which is scheduled for release next Thursday, March 3rd. Conveniently, that just so happens to be the two year anniversary of the launch of Breathers here in the states.

So to celebrate, I’ll be throwing a party. Okay, not really a party. But I’ll be giving away free stuff.  To be specific, signed copies of Breathers, Fated, and the UK version of Breathers. So stay tuned for a blog post next week with the details on how you can get your hands on some signed books.

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I’ll be signing books tomorrow (that’s Saturday, February 26th for those not keeping track) from 1:00PM to 3:00PM at the Barnes & Noble in Dublin at the Hacienda Crossings shopping center, off of Interstate 580 at the (surprise!) Hacienda Drive exit.  So if you’re in the area, come on out and say “hey!”  And bring mimosas.

I have trouble blogging.  Some of that has to do with the fact that if I’m writing, I’d rather be working on a story or a novel.  But another factor is that I tend to struggle with what to blog about.  Personally, I find it somewhat tedious to talk about what I’m doing or what I’m working on.  And I’ve never been one to blog just for the sake of blogging.  I prefer blogging more when I have something specific to blog about.

So to create some structure, I’m going to try something new.  It’s a little ambitious, considering I don’t usually blog more than once or twice a week, but I’m hoping this provides some fun content and audience participation.

Beginning next week, I’m going to start off with three blogs a week.

We’ll start things off with Movie Review Mondays, in which I’ll review a movie I’ve recently seen.  Preferably something that’s in the theaters.  If not, then something I’ve watched on Netflix.  And if I don’t manage to get around to watching a movie, then I’ll review a film I’ve seen before.

I’ll follow that up with Wild Card Wednesdays, which will incorporate blogs about the writing life, reprinting some past blogs I’m particularly fond of, and – here’s the audience participation part – blogging about a subject suggested by a reader.  I’ll announce those blogs the week before to give you a heads up so you can tell me what you’d like to have me blog about.

Finally, I’ll wrap things up with Fiction Fridays, which will consist of a discussion or a review of the book I’m currently reading.  Pretty simple.  And if for some reason I’m in between books, I’ll talk about another book.  Or something fictional.  Or fiction in general.  I’ll make things up.

So there you have it.  Hopefully that will keep the blog a little fresher and more entertaining.  Sound good?  Good.

The first Movie Review Monday blog post: Black Swan.

See you next week!

(A purely emotional and occasionally irrational rant against digital publishing)

Call me old school, but I think e-books and e-readers suck.  Kindles, Nooks, BeBooks.  Whatever the hell the Borders e-reader is called.  They all suck.

Why do they suck? Lots of reasons.

One, they’re helping to put brick and mortar bookstores out of business.  Maybe the neighborhood bookstore is a business model that is doomed to failure in the new technology of the 21st century, but as far as I’m concerned, a town without a bookstore is a town without a soul.  And with all of the bookstores closing over the past couple of years (which I realize is due to the economy and other factors besides just e-books), there are a lot of towns in danger of becoming soulless.

Two, I like the tactile experience of reading a book.  I like the feel of a book in my hands and the smell of the pages.  I appreciate the cover art and the colors and the textures.  E-readers lack the warmth and the personal connection to the written word.  I want to curl up with a good book, not a good electronic device.  (Insert requisite vibrator joke here.)

Three, when I go into someone’s home, I like to see the books they have on their shelves.  You learn a lot about a person from what they read and the music they listen to.  But much the same way the iPod and iTunes has all but led to the extinction of the home CD rack, with e-readers and e-books, bookshelves are going to become a thing of the past, as well.  Which will make for very sterile homes.  Plus from an egotistical POV, I want to be able to walk into someone’s home and see my book between The Great Gatsby and Cat’s Cradle.

Four, and, most important, e-readers take away the chance of me being able to see someone reading my book in a cafe or at an airport.  If you’re reading Breathers or Fated on a Kindle, I have no way of knowing, so you deny me the joy of having that moment of walking past and getting a little thrill because you’re too cheap to spend an extra few bucks for a trade paperback.

I understand that e-readers are convenient for traveling and they make taking dozens of books along on your two-week vacation a piece of cake.  I also realize the benefit of being able to download new books while lounging on Waikiki Beach or nursing an espresso in a cafe in Paris or while enjoying a mineral bath at a day spa on one of Jupiter’s moons.  It’s tough to beat on demand book delivery right to your fingertips.

But as for the argument that e-books leave a smaller carbon footprint?  E-readers are made in factories that pump out greenhouse gases and they’re composed of parts and batteries that are as biodegradable as a 1970’s polyester leisure suit.  Paperback books, conversely, are made of, oddly enough, paper, which is biodegradable.  And while paperback books are made from trees, of which I’m a fan, trees aren’t cut down to make books.  They’re cut down to make your sleigh bed and your coffee table and your desk.  The leftovers are used to make books.

By the way, my arguments against e-books and e-readers aren’t based on any empirical evidence.  I didn’t do any research in the writing of this blog because to be honest, I’m too damn lazy.  Besides, I don’t believe in using facts to back up my arguments.  Anyone can do that.  I debate purely on emotion and gross generalizations .  So don’t throw any numbers back at me to prove I’m wrong because I don’t care.  This is my blog.  Numbers don’t matter here.  Except for the fact that I get twice as much in royalties for every e-book sold as opposed to every trade paperback, which doesn’t really help to support my rant against digital publishing.  Damn it!

At this time three years ago, I’d just landed an agent for Breathers after nearly eighteen years of writing.  Fast forward to now and I’ve had two novels published, the film rights sold for one, and I’ve been able to live as a full-time writer for most of the past two years.

So yeah, I’m thankful that I’ve been able to do what I’ve always dreamed of doing.  To paraphrase Henry David Thoreau: “To go confidently in the direction of my dreams and live the life I’ve imagined.”

But more than that, I’m thankful for all of the people who’ve been a part of these past three years…

My friends who have always been there for me.
My family whose support has never wavered.
My agents and editors who helped me to get my books published.

And there are so many others, so many new friends I’ve met and made along the way that no matter how much I followed Thoreau’s advice, I couldn’t have possibly imagined how much my life would be enriched by meeting them.

So thank you to everyone who has come into my life and shared your encouragement, support, love, friendship, talent, conversation, company, sense of humor, and guidance. I couldn’t possibly have made it this far without you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

douche bag or douchebag >noun 1 a device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure. 2 a person, usually male, with a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions.

With respect to Jeff Foxworthy, I’ve put together a short list of people who I feel are good examples of douche bags. Or douchebags. Either way works for me. This list was prompted by my recent early morning bike rides, but I thought I’d expand it to include a few other examples.

-If you’re cycling side by side on the Golden Gate bridge and you don’t drop into single file for an oncoming cyclist, you might be a douche bag.

-If you wear a team racing jersey while cycling and you’re not on a cycling racing team, you might be a douche bag.

-If you’re a cyclist who gets mad at a car that almost hit you when you blew through a four-way stop sign, you might be a douche bag.

-If you’re a smoker who believes the sidewalk and the gutter are official depositories for your cigarette butts, you might be a douche bag.

-If you don’t understand the concept of using the ashtray in your car rather than throwing your cigarette butt out the window, you might be a douche bag.

-If you answer your cell phone in a restaurant while your date sits across from you picking at her dinner, you might be a douche bag.

-If you put your cell phone on vibrate but answer text messages while you’re in a movie theater, you might be a douche bag.

-If you invade a foreign country on the premise that they have weapons of mass destruction and it turns out they don’t, you might be a douche bag.

-If you deny your relationship with a White House intern by debating what the definition of the word “is” is, you might be a douche bag.

-If you’re the CEO of British Petroleum and you’re more upset about the fake Twitter account mocking your company than you are about your historic oil spill, you might be a douche bag.