So if you like your endings wrapped up in a nice tidy package with a big shiny bow, then you’re probably better off watching a Hollywood movie.

But life isn’t like a Hollywood movie. Things are always left unresolved, and my novels echo that. I realize a lot of people read books and watch movies so that they can escape from reality and have the satisfaction of coming away feeling like someone rose above their circumstances. It gives us hope in our own lives that maybe it can happen to us, too.

The guy gets the girl.
The heroine overcomes her fear.
The underdog saves the day.

The truth is, things don’t always work out the way we want them to.

You don’t find Prince Charming.
You don’t overcome your fears.
You don’t realize your dreams.

And that’s what I like to write about. How things don’t always work out. Or how they might work out in one fashion, but ultimately the ending isn’t what the main character had hoped for. So if you’re picking up one of my books expecting a Hollywood ending, then you’re probably not going to get what you want. But if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.

With apologies to Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones.

As writers, we spend a lot of our time indoors in front of a computer, which is not what humans were created to do. Throw in all of the Facebook updates and the Twitter posts and the online social networking and you can become so connected that you forget to unplug.

Even when we go out, we’re still plugged in, taking our electronic leashes with us, be they cell phones, smart phones, iPads, laptops, etc. We’re always checking our e-mail, our Twitter feed, posting what we’re doing and when we’re doing it and who we’re doing it with, calling friends and family while we’re out and about. We become these share-whores, unable to experience a moment without wanting to post about it or tweet about it or talk about it.

So in effect, while we strive to stay connected to all of these people who are not there to share the moment with us, we become disconnected from experiencing the moment ourselves. It’s impossible to be in the present when you’re constantly connected somewhere else. But we’ve become conditioned by technology to take us out of where we are and electronically connect us somewhere else.

And so I took John’s advice and went outside to enjoy the afternoon sunshine of San Francisco. Granted, my sky wasn’t nearly as beautiful as his, for it lacked the clouds to give it texture, but I don’t have any photos of it to share because I left my smart phone and my laptop at home. That’s not to say I didn’t jones for my phone, but for a couple of hours, it felt good to disconnect.

I realize there are those of you who feel that a book is a book is a book, whether digital, audio, or hardcover. I disagree. I feel there’s a definite difference, just like there’s a difference between MP3s, CDs, and vinyl. When you go digital, you don’t capture the complete sound wave, losing richness and warmth that can’t be duplicated no matter how much remastering you do.

To me, it’s the same with books. Real books are warm while eBooks are cold. I realize eBooks are the future and that the future is now, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I also realize that as an author, I earn money from the sale of the electronic versions of my novels. I even have a short story collection that is only available as an eBook.

So I’m not here to say you shouldn’t buy eBooks. Buy books in whatever format you prefer. However, if you are an eBook fan, I encourage you to purchase eBooks from local independent bookstores who have partnered with Google. You can get eBooks for your iPad, Nook, Android devices, and Kindle Fire if you do a side load. At least that’s what I’ve been told. So support independent bookstores rather than Apple and Amazon.

Okay, that’s it for the eBook PSA. Now, without further ado, here are my 10 Reasons Why Real Books Are Better Than eBooks:

1. Real books don’t run on batteries.
2. If you spill water on a real book or drop it in the pool, it still works.
3. Bookcases are windows into a person’s soul. When I go to someone’s house, I’m not going to browse through their Goodreads shelf or their iBooks library.
4. You can’t sign an eBook.
5. eBooks rob me of the thrill of seeing someone reading my book out in the wild.
6. Real books are conversation starters. I’ve never seen anyone ask someone with a Kindle if they liked what they were reading.
7. Real books have historical gravitas. They connect me with all of the writers who came before me.
8. There’s no such thing as a Used eBook Store.
9. You can’t own an eBook. You can only purchase a license that gives you the right to read it.
10. Real books smell like home.

That’s my argument for real books vs. eBooks and I’m sticking to it. You can take my old-fashioned Luddite novel from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Now, about the only thing you can do in 20 minutes is work your way to the front of the line at Pink’s or Tommy’s.

But I love coming back and visiting friends and enjoying the warm weather. That’s one of the most rewarding benefits of going on the road to promote my novels. Not the warm weather. But the friends. Old and new. People I wouldn’t get the opportunity to spend time with otherwise.

Plus, when you spend a lot of your time alone in front of a computer making up imaginary stories about imaginary people, it’s good to get out once in a while. Helps you to manage your sanity.

While I’m now down in San Diego, which has its own charms and appeal, the highlights of my three days in Los Angeles included:

• drinking too much and staying up too late Thursday night with a college buddy and his lovely wife;
• reading and signing Lucky Bastard on Friday night at the new Mysterious Galaxy Books in Redondo Beach, which has an awesome staff and cheese popcorn;
• signing at the L.A. Times Festival of Books on Sunday, where I had the chance to meet some fans and hang out with fellow wordsmiths Chuck Wendig, Stephen Blackmoore, Maria Alexander, and Matt Funk

Once LATFOB came to a close on Sunday, I made it from USC to San Diego in 1 1/2 hours, a personal best, and have had the good fortune to spend the past thirty-six hours with some old, dear friends who treat me well and make me laugh.

Tonight, I wrap up my southern California Lucky Bastard tour with a reading and signing at the original Mysterious Galaxy Books in San Diego. The fun starts at 7:00PM, so if you’re in the hood, stop on by. Maybe you’ll get lucky.

Back in 1991, I wrote a screenplay titled A Fish Out of Water—an Airplane! and The Naked Gun inspired comedy spoof about a private detective in Chicago dealing with corrupt developers while trying to find a rare, stolen Australian myna bird purchased from a specialty hybrid pet store called The Fish Out of Water Pet Shop. That’s the screenplay over there on the left.

The script includes a lot of word play and silliness and characters with names like Nick Monday, Warren Peace, Sandy Beach, Al Chemy, and a band named Umbilical Dan and the Chords. Nothing ever came of the script, but I always liked the name Nick Monday, so I stole it from my Chicago detective and gave it to my luck stealing P.I. in San Francisco. I also took the name of the female lead in the script, Tuesday Knight, and gave it to my main femme fatale in Lucky Bastard.

Even though they share the same name, the Nick Monday in my screenplay and the Nick Monday in my novel are two completely different people. In A Fish Out of Water he’s easily confused, honest, and rarely gets laid, while in Lucky Bastard, he’s competent, steals luck, and has sex more often than Charlie Sheen. He’s also developed some repetitive consumptive behaviors that, while not destructive, are a definite by-product of his lifestyle.

Cappuccinos. Apple fritters. Lucky Charms.
Mochas. Mentos. Corporate-coffeehouse baristas.
Just to name a few.

And while you might think someone who was born with the ability to poach luck would live in a Pacific Heights mansion or own a place in Nob Hill, luck poachers live a nomadic lifestyle and often have to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice. Plus, there are definite karmic consequences to stealing someone else’s good fortune.

So even though Nick lives in The Marina neighborhood, with it’s Art Deco buildings and views of the Golden Gate Bridge and abundance of attractive Kens and Barbies decorating the cafes and bars, Nick ended up with something less than what he’s grown accustomed to:

I live in a studio on the third floor of a four-story building on Lombard Street, next to a dry cleaner’s, across from a transient motel, and just this side of dilapidated. Not my first choice for living accommodations, but sometimes you take what you can get. Or go where your mistakes take you.

Again, I’ve played with reality a bit here, as Nick’s building doesn’t exist in the location I’ve described. But I wanted him to live in The Marina, so I placed his fictional apartment building on Lombard Street across from the Bridge Motel. While The Bridge has recently been “cleaned up,” for years it was a crime-ridden motel whose residents had to deal with bed bugs, rats, and on-site drug deals.

Above on the right is Nick’s view of the Bridge Motel from the front door of his apartment building, where he often finds a homeless person and gets to enjoy the smell of fresh urine. The photo on the immediate left is from the parking lot on the side of the motel, which gives you a better idea of it’s unique neighborhood charm.

It was around this time in April 2009  that I sold my second novel, Fated, and my agent asked me to send her a synopsis of Lucky Bastard that she could share with my publisher. Which is all well and good if you’re a plotter but when you’re a pantser, writing a synopsis of a novel you haven’t written yet poses a bit of a problem.

After all, how the hell am I supposed to write a synopsis when I don’t have any idea what’s going to happen?

My agent told me to just make up something, so that’s what I did. I made something up. And it started out like this:

Jon Rolli is a private detective who lives in San Francisco with his cat, eats Lucky Charms every morning for breakfast, and has an affinity for corporate coffeehouse baristas. He’s also a luck poacher.

There was another page-and-a-half of gibberish about luck and plot points and other characters, and we’ll get to the name of my protagonist in a minute, but the idea for him to be a private detective popped into my head for a couple of reasons.

One, I’d recently read and critiqued a couple of detective novels written by other members of my writers group. And two, I walked past the building on the right, located at the corner of Fillmore and Filbert, at least a couple of times a week over the previous three years. On the second floor, the one above the defunct Irish bakery, is Immendorf Investigations, Private Detectives. (Click on the photo to enlarge).

At that point, I still wasn’t sure my main character was going to be a private detective. It was just an idea that I thought might be useful. Even nine months later, in early January 2010, with only eighty pages written, he still wasn’t a P.I. (I know this because I save every version of a manuscript I’m working on on as a separate file).

Nick Monday wouldn’t become a private detective until nearly a year after I’d written the synopsis, which is when he would finally get an office at the corner of Sutter and Kearny. On the left you’ll see two buildings. (Again, feel free to click on the image for a larger picture). The one on the far left is the actual building located on that corner. In reality, the offices and units on those five floors are much larger than the cramped 10′ x 10′ office Nick inhabits in Lucky Bastard. As Nick describes his digs:

I have my own little office in downtown San Francisco. And when I say little, I don’t mean in a quaint or a charming kind of way. Like a little cottage or a little eccentric. It’s more like a little hungover. Or a little anorexic.

The building on the right, which is just up Kearny on the other side near Bush Street, is more like the office building I imagine for Nick. But I preferred the sound and feel of him having an office on the corner of Sutter and Kearny rather than near the corner of Kearny and Bush. So I took some creative license with reality and left him there.

As for how Nick Monday got his name, I’ll share that in my next blog post.

As a full-time-stay-at-home writer and my own boss, it’s often a bit of a challenge to stick to a schedule and maintain some discipline, considering that the only one keeping me in line and making me accountable is myself.

No one’s holding me to a deadline.
No one’s giving me performance reviews.
No one’s looking over my shoulder.

Unless you count the mannequin in sunglasses, Hawaiian shirt, and Peter Grimm hat standing over my left shoulder, six feet away.

(But that’s another story.)

Self-motivation is something every writer struggles with at one time or another. And with all of the distractions we have today (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube), it’s hard to believe that anyone ever gets anything written.

Which is why you’ll often see me post to Facebook or Twitter early in the day and then disappear. I can’t stay logged in and connected all day long. If I don’t unplug, I’ll never meet my own self-imposed deadlines. Which, admittedly, are written in pencil and chalk more often than in permanent marker.

On the flip side, because I’m my own boss, I’ll often work until 10:00 or 11:00PM. So even though I might get distracted and go out for a couple of hours in the middle of the day to meet a friend for lunch or catch a matinee at the movie theater or take a bike ride across the Golden Gate Bridge, I’ll more often than not log ten hours of work per day.

Granted, not all of that time is spent writing. I rarely write for more than 4-6 hours a day. My brain burns out. I’m not interested in getting words down just for the sake of getting words down. I’m interested in making the words count more than I am in reaching a word count.

But when you throw in time spent on Facebook and Twitter, along with answering e-mails and following up on e-mails, updating my website, and writing the occasional blog, interview, or guest post, the hours eventually add up.

Fortunately, I enjoy what I do. All of it. Okay, most of it. Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time in front of my computer and not enough time interacting with human beings. Another confession. I’m full of them today.

Maybe it’s because I’m tired. Or rambling. Or trying to figure out how to wrap up this post. Whatever it is, I better get back to work because the mannequin is starting to make me nervous.

Synopsis
Cast of Characters
Reviews
Chapter 1 Sneak Peek

And, of course, at the bottom of each page I’ve included links for various sites where you can pre-order a copy.

Over the next couple of months, I’ll be blogging about the book, how it came about, and taking pictures of various locations throughout San Francisco that appear in the book and giving some background on the writing of the novel as it relates to those locations.

Also, since I found inspiration from a number of authors and novels in the writing of Lucky Bastard, I’ll be spotlighting the novels that influenced me in a series of blog posts on Fiction Fridays.

*          *          *          *          *

In addition to the upcoming release of Lucky Bastard, I’m excited to announce the impending e-publication of my first collection of short stories, Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel, an original e-book of ten dark and twisted humorous tales scheduled for release on March 27.

Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel is a mix of never-before-published tales and stories that have appeared previously in print anthologies, all gathered together for the first time. It includes stories about extraterrestrial sex toys, a group of professional guinea pigs, a zombie gigolo, and a reality TV show starring the Seven Deadly Sins. It also contains the stories that gave birth to both Lucky Bastard and Breathers.

If you’d like to learn more about the stories included in Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel, or if you’d like to pre-order it for your Nook or Kindle, just click on the image for the book cover. Or just CLICK HERE.

• He strikes out a lot
• He only got to second base
• He has control problems

It’s just what we do. Relating sports to sex. I’m sure there’s some Freudian connection to be made there, but I’m not the man to do it. Suffice it to say, we like our sports analogies.

Which is where the writing part comes into play. At least for me.

In baseball, when a pitcher is in the middle of throwing a no-hitter or a perfect game, no one talks to him. He sits alone on the bench at the end of the dugout and no one says a word to him because no one wants to jinx him. No one wants to put the kibosh on the no-hitter. So at the very least, even if anyone talks to the pitcher, no one talks about the no-hitter.

I’m superstitious in the same way about my writing. Specifically about whatever I’m currently working on (aka my Work In Progress or WIP). I don’t like to talk about it while I’m in the middle of it because I’m afraid to jinx it. To take the energy away from it. Which is why you’ll rarely, if ever, hear me mention my WIP on my blog or on Twitter or Facebook or anywhere else. Some writers can talk about it all the way through the process, but I’ve never been comfortable doing so.

Part of that comes from the fact that I make up the story as I go and sometimes I get stuck trying to figure out what comes next. This isn’t something I exactly want to share with others:

“How do I get my main character back on the roof of the hotel?”
“What happens when my protagonist gets stripped of his immortality?”
“The narrator just killed and ate his parents. Now what?”

This is something most writers experience at some point in almost everything they write. It’s the self-doubt that creeps into the creative process. Sometimes we nail it and we know it and it feels really good. But most of the time, there’s at least one moment where we read what we’ve written and we think: “What a piece of crap.”

Which is when perspective and editing come into play.

So when it comes to talking about my WIP, you likely won’t hear me mention much of anything about it until that final pitch is thrown and the last out is recorded and I can raise my hands in the air and celebrate what I’ve accomplished.

And with any luck, when I send it off to my agent, I’ll hit a home run.

This list could be called Ten Stupid Non-Writing Things Writers Do. Or twenty. Or fifty. But I decided instead to list just the following five, which are really less about habits and distractions and more about destructive behaviors that can have a significant impact on your writing.

1) Read Your Reviews
Yes, I know. How are you not supposed to read your reviews? And if you’re fortunate enough to get a positive review from Kirkus or Entertainment Weekly or The Washington Post, of course you’re going to read it and share it with others. But if you’re constantly reading about what others are saying about your books on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and Goodreads, that’s when you get into trouble. Not everyone is going to love your book. And as most reviewers will tell you, the reviews aren’t there for you. The reviews are there for other readers. Which leads to Stupid Non-Writing Thing #2.

2) Get Attached to Reviews
Every writer knows that a bad review can ruin your day and that the best way to get over a bad review is to read a good review. Though you’ll have to follow the Rule of Ten and read ten good reviews to offset the one bad review. But whether the reviews are positive or negative, don’t get attached to them. After all, writing is subjective. What someone thinks about your book has nothing to do with whether it’s good or not. What ultimately matters is how you feel about the book. Don’t let the opinions of others dictate how you feel about your writing.

3) Argue With Reviewers
Never, ever, ever argue with someone about a bad review of your book. Again, writing is subjective. And as I’ve said before, the truth of creation is no more valid than the truth of interpretation. When you let your creations out into the world, they no longer belong to just you. They belong to everyone who reads them. So whatever someone thinks about your book is true for them and to argue about it makes you look like an idiot. Which is another reason why you should avoid doing Stupid Non-Writing Thing #1.

4) Get Fixated On Sales Numbers
While selling books and making your living as a writer is something every writer hopes to do, the sales aren’t always there. Or what you hoped they would be. When this happens, it’s easy to get fixated on your sales and start measuring your value as a writer in the number of books you’ve sold. This will only lead you to a dark place. So stop focusing on book sales and focus on the satisfaction and the gratification the act and art of writing gives to you. Even if your sales are better than expected or beyond your wildest dreams, don’t allow that to impact your writing. Whether you sell a hundred books or a hundred thousand doesn’t change what you’ve written. It’s still the same book. And you still wrote it.

5) Spend All Day on Facebook and Twitter
Yes, social networking is important in this day and age, but you need to have some balance, and the balance should be weighted more heavily toward writing, not Tweeting or Facebooking. Plus it’s good to disconnect. Get out and have new experiences. Receive stimulation from a world that doesn’t exist on computers. As Francoise Sagan said: I shall live badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if I do not live. She didn’t say anything about constantly updating her Facebook status.